A Stagehands Monologue

Narrative Project (In the works)

2009-11-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

So...I had this idea for my narrative project in school a few weeks ago, and I liked it then but now not so much. However I am in a slight bind for time so I am still going to do the idea. I think as I expand on the idea I might like it a little bit more, but that can only be seen in time. I just need to find the people to help me by being the subjects that I want to shoot for my project. It's stressful because I know I want to get the shoot done and out of the way this weekend, but it's getting to close to the weekend and it's physically impossible to have somebody to take the time out of there day to help me out with my project.

The idea is going to be driving while influenced by texting. I'm going to have two time lines and the top will be the driver texting while driving paying more attention to the cell phone, and a kid playing on the playground. The outcome will be the car hitting the kid.

The main reason I want to do the project is because my mom is always telling me not to text while I drive, but I see so many people doing it, and we here about the terrible things that happen because of peoples decision to text while driving.

I haven't come up with a deeper meaning to symbolize into the pictures but I think as I take them I will see it more clearly. I'm just nervous that I won't get anyone to help me out with the shoot. GAH!!!!

Photoshop!!!

2009-11-02T09:42:00.000-08:00

So I just got Adobe Photoshop...woot woot!!! I think I got the wrong one for my computer though which blows. At least I got it from school and it was only 20 dollars for the full thing so it's not a bog loss but still sucks big time. BAH!!!

PPP (Photography Pet Peeves)

2009-10-29T08:02:00.001-07:00

It's weird how you bypass things and don't take notice to them. One thing that I haven't noticed a lot in my life because it's just always been there was light. It wasn't until I hardcore got into photography that I love and despise it all at the same time. Another one is dust. Even though my Allergies always would go array when I was around dust in the air, it wasn't something to be noticed unless you looked on the top of shelves to actually look for it, which I never did because then my allergies would go hay wire. I HATE AND DESPISE DUST. I know you probably think I am lame for liking/disliking light and despising dust but those are two of my enemies being a photographer. So I thought I would write a little poem as a tribute to my PPP.

You lay on top of ole Mother's cupboard, and nobody notices you there
Though the windows you will shine, and nobody could care.
It's those little things you do that make me happy and mad.
Without you my soul wouldn't be full and that would be bad
Photography needs you, as well as me
So light and dust CHEERS to thee!!

Except dust can bite me

THE END

Some of the digital shots I took for my self portrait project

2009-10-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

These are digitals similar to the 35mm that I did for my Self-Protrait project

Photography application essay deux

2009-10-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

How pitiful do I have to get. I brought in life stories to try to make all these artistic souls feel sorry enough for me that they will let me into the photography program. Here it is:

I didn't notice, at first, that I had a passion for photography until after a tragic experienced happened in my freshman year at IUPUI. After my best friend was almost killed over seas, and my brother was injured over seas I just couldn't handle school and instead of getting all my classes withdrawn I just stopped coming to school. Both of them are fine now, but after my brother came home for leave after the incident, he noticed that I was always taking pictures: non-stop. He said I should go into it and I just shrugged it off, but as time went on I noticed that I love taking pictures and this past semester I took a Black and White photo class with Flounder Lee and loved every minute of it, from shooting, to developing, to print making, and I want to continue my education and learn as much as I can in photography.

------------------------------
A complete sob story right. I hope it works.

A new project in the works!!!

2009-10-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

So my next assignment in photography is the self portrait...evil music sounds. I loathe my picture but love taking pictures of people. How ironic. However, I have to do it anyways. I had the fascinating idea that I would get a little deep and express myself through my self portrait. Let the audience into my world that I so often don't allow anyone into.
So my idea is to show the audience what binds me. Give them things that I am bound to, that I love doing, like my photography, my music, and especially my theatre, and leave the open option of letting the audience interpret how I feel about them. For example I would be bound up with say a chain on a stage with lighting on me center stage. Instead of being enraged that I am bound up I would be calm and in a place that I am comfortable. Or for another example me bound by the wrists and the chains going to the two from windows of my house and I am pulling on them. My fists are clenched and I am mad and angry, screaming even.
That's my wonderful idea. I pray that I can find a stage so I can accomplish what I want because I would prefer to have scenery, rather than a black velvet back drop.

2009-10-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

I have no creative flow what so ever for my project that is do monday. I have to have six pictures with different depth of fields, and I can't say that I don't have any creative flow, becasue I do. I have already thought about what I am going to do for my narrative project but that doesn't help me monday. I don't have any urge to go out and shoot pictures tomorrow, because I don't know where I would begin. I guess I could take pictures at mens group. I don't know. I am going to start panicking because that's what I always seem to do when I leave things until the last second.

So my idea for my narrative since that is what I have and not my six pictures, is to do a humour thing on bad driving. So I would take pictures of most likely me or a friend that are listening to there ipod with earphones in, eating, drinking, dancing around in the car, smoking, turned around taking care of children, or goofing around with friends, and then the last picture is going to be the backside of the car with a body laying on the ground.

So the first five or so pictures will be good, but the last one is going to be blunt and in your face. Don't be stupid behind the wheel because this is the end result. You might be having fun then, but what about what if that happens.

Back to the monday project I have no clue what so ever. I need advice or something because if not I will be screwed majorly.
GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Swimming vs. Photography

2009-09-30T04:59:00.000-07:00

I love to swim. I guess you could call it something I like to do, but I wouldn't really call it a passion. I teach swim lessons at the Nat and I like doing them, but I am ready to do something in the field that I will be in when I get out of school. It's hard being almost 23 and knowing that my friends from high school are in grad school, getting married, and having kids. While I am a sopohmore with freshman credits just now figuring out what he wants to do with the rest of his life.

Yesterday was a real hard day at work because my supervisor told me that a few parents didn't want me to teach there kids, which hurt because I know and they know that I am a good instructor. Not to toot my own horn but I believe I am one of the better ones at the Nat. It hurt to know that they didn't want me teaching there kids. They said that I didn't look happy teaching, and that I didn't instruct them I just told them to swim, and let them figure out what to do by themselves. That is not true, but I haven't been as outgoing as I was when I first got the job and was passionate about teaching. I guess I just lost my flame. I need a new job that pays more, and it just sucks right now because I need this crappy job that I kind of like, but I want a new job.

Particularly a job that I found in my schools job database with Galleria Studios. I would be a second photographer, and do weddings and such for a lady that I think is rather talented and catches all the moments of the wedding in a very creative moment. I feel that I can learn a lot from her, and go far with the knowledge that she would give me, but first I have to get the job. Send a prayer up for me to the big guy.

What's New!!!

2009-09-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

Wow!
I haven't written in a long time. So I'm stoked about school, lame, I know. However, I love photography and learning about it is tres bon. I wish I could put the photos I have done this far, and I will figure it out once I get them from prints to digital.

I am in a black and white photo class, and never took it in high school, so I am like a kid in a candy store with it. Even when I print a bad or semi bad picture I am still stoked that I messed up. Weird I know, but it's an awesome feeling to have when you create something. Regardless the meaning behind it or whatever

Besides my awesome time in my photography class just yesterday something completely awesome happened. My brother, Ryan, had a new baby boy, Joseph Ryan. I am an uncle again so that is nothing new, but not having to worry about spreading the family name isn't on me now. Which is awesome because Ryan came through and now his kid has to deal with that burden, but not for many many many more years.

Today...I thought...and know

2009-04-11T14:02:00.000-07:00

This is the day that I dedicate my life to my passion. The one thing that I have wanted to do since I was little, sing, but even more which I found out in high school, which oddly was three years, almost four years ago, and that is my passion for theatre. From today on I will be working on my goal to perform on stage in Broadway, a New York stage, and even on the Tony's. Big dreams you say, but I know with hard work and determination, the help of my friends and family that I am well on my way. I was asked recently if I would be willing to bus tables until my dream came along, and I pray to God that he has more than a one time bang for me, but I would love to bus tables as long as every morning I can get up and sing. God gives us all talents for a reason, they aren't to sit in the back of your minds to be wasted. They're are given to you to pursue to share to give to him.

Over dramatic,,,?

2009-04-09T21:18:00.000-07:00

I don't like being in the dumps and lately that has been where I've been located. I reside in the dumps. Everything I want to do in life seems like it is being put on the back burner and it doesn't matter. It feels like the only one that thinks that I can make it in what my heart desires is me. I feel lie all this negativity is beig placed on me when it shouldn't be there. I know I can sing, act, and dance even though it might be like a white boy sometimes. I know that God gave me this talent with my voice to honor him, and doing that by sharing it with everyone. However, I want i right now and it's not happening. I want to be singing on Broadway and it's not happening. Is it the lack of confidence that keeps me from doing it, or is it the fact that my mother doesn't support my dream, because it's not steady income. She is worried about me having this money to live, but all I am worried about is having happiness and I could be a beggar on the street as long as I got to get up in front of people and sing for them. To show that God can let this white boy get down with his bad self. Maybe I am just being over dramatic.

I'll manage...

2009-04-06T07:07:00.001-07:00

Is what is going on in my head temptation or is it truly what I am meant to do? Why does music and theatre, mainly musical theatre always come back to me, and get me depressed because I am not doing? Is this my heart’s desire, or is this something I am putting in my head so I can be mad at my parent? I don’t understand why it keeps coming back to me and knocking the shit out of me? If I don’t do it will I regret it for the rest of my life? If I do go for it will my family, mainly my mom be happy for me or turn their head and never speak to me. Al these things are running through my head, and causing me not to think. I know I need to make my own mistakes and learn from them. However, this doesn’t feel like a mistake, because it’s so deep down in my heart. I think I just need to get over myself, worry about myself for once, and do something for me and not for someone else like I normally. I am always worried about what others are thinking that I forget what I am thinking. I need to listen to my thoughts and not to everyone that is around me, because that is what is keeping me from pursuing my dreams. YES! They are my dreams, and aren’t you supposed to go for your dreams. Aren’t you supposed to take a chance fall down and get up to walk again? I think so. Wow, I didn’t realize how much writing this all down would relieve all this stress/depression, whatever you want to call it that I am going through.

Qustion?

2009-04-02T19:40:00.000-07:00

If something kehttp://www.blogger.com/blog-options-basic.g?blogID=8508680325798859960eps coming back to you are you meant to pursue it?

April Fools

2009-04-01T07:21:00.001-07:00

So I am not much of an April Fools person. Just not into the whole vandalism of property or scaring people have to death just to be funny, but today my blood was boiled when I came to my car and not touching the handle of my car, found peanut butter under the handle so I got in without touching the peanut butter and drove to Speedway to get coffee and donuts(can I say police man). I came back out of the store and me forgetting things fastly, typical me, I stuck my fingers right into the peanut butter. I didn't get mad. I busted out laughing, which was nice because I haven't laughed like that in a long time, and a guy taking a smoke break just looked at me like I was weird. Tis a great morning, a great way to start a day after a long time of being in the dumps. I will get my revenge and it will be bitter sweet.

Keep on Swimming

2009-03-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

I am finding it relaxing and rewarding to swim now. I used to swim in highschool and before that for Indy parks competively but I didn't like it well wasn't into it as much as I am now. I swim 1000 yards right now before I teach for four hours. I like it and it is very rewarding. I just wish my body wouldn't ache so much afterward, but i do like the fact that I have new muscle and am gaining weight because of that. All in all it is a good experience and I enjoy it. Especially when my day is rough because it relieves alot of my stress. WOOHOO for swimming!!!!

Ode to a Crappy Year

2009-03-24T13:06:00.000-07:00

There are many altercations that come up in life, and right now one of them is relationships. Dealing with relationships between family, friends, and loved ones. It's been a weird year thus far, and if I were to write a monologue I would entitle it "Ode to a Crappy Year." However, I have to take back that statement because in this past month things have changed for some reason and I have no clue why. I know, I know god work in mysterious ways, but couldn't he give some better signs.

This all ties into relationships because with my family my relationship to my brother, Ryan, and sister Cindy has exploded into a closeness that we have never seem to aquire before. Maybe it's because they need me, but I think more or less it's because I need to figure things out in my own life that they can teach me. Cindy's life right now is crappy, or at least that is what she tells everyone. She is single, has two kids, and no guy would ever want her. She just doesn't know that all those things are being worked out in front of her. She is just to blind to see.

Now the friends and loved ones is tied into eachother sort of but at the same time it's not. I will start off with how they are not. My friendship with my friends from Meijer has dimenished quite a bit since I no longer work there. Thank God!!! However, there are a few that I want to still be friends with that aren't coming around. It's like I left meijer so they can't talk to me. I call them and they are always busy. One of them I let that slide because she is busy with nursing school, and she finds the time to hang out with me when she can which is awesome. Go schwim!! However,there are people there that we were so close and I haven't talked to them since Christmas regardless that i have there phone number and they have mine. Maybe I am over analyzing everything, but it is beginning to get on my nerves. GAH!!

Now they are related because I like two of my friends. Problem is they both like me back. Another problem is that one of my friends I have had since middle school, and the other I have known for about two years because of Meijer. The one from middle school we have been friends for forever, everyone says we would make a good couple, but we thought it would be to weird, so we didn't, and we stopped talking as much after high school. I went to work at Meijer and then a met girl 2, we started talking and hanging out on the friend level until I REALIZED I liked her and then we started kind of not really dating. Problem, they both recently popped back up into my life and said oh hey I miss you, or I don't want to wait until we are fifty to figure out that we have feelings for each other.

I think I just need to take a breather and try to figure this one all out

Maybe I should still title "Ode to a Crappy Year."

Road trip and bed ridden

2009-02-05T08:56:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been a while since I wrote on here. I didn't think anybody read it until this weekend when Clara told me to get cracking on writing more. I guess my life is interesting to some people. I wish I could find that interest. Only kidding.

This weekend was a blast I went to Illinois with Mens Group, and even though there was no poker played i still had a good time, watching Tim scream at Will Dodge because the score was 10-3 and it was all his fault. A hilarious time, and if you missed it you should be extremely jealous. I'm sure you could imagine it. The weekend was fun and for lack of a better word typical. We did everything that we normally do, Monuguls, kicking field goals, and yelling "YOU SUCK" when well this year Will Dodge (ironic name for a goalie) just couldn't stop the awesome IU hockey team.

The rest of the week was pretty lame. I woke up Monday sicker than I have ever been, and have been in bed all week. No school or work. Woohoo. I kind of miss my life. I'd rather be stuck in class then in bed, even though class can get so stressful.

Well laters.

HA HA

2008-09-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

This is crazy...wish i has it when I was younger

Sonic Grenade Alarm

sonic alarm
The Sonic Alarm will wake pretty well anything up. Simply pull the pin, yell an emphatic “fire in the hole” and lob the grenade into the sleeper’s room. After ten seconds a very annoying and piercingly loud noise (there are three volume settings) will blast out from the alarm. That’s not all however, what makes this especially great is that to stop the alarm the sleeper has to find you so you can put the pin back in.

Start of a new chapter...

2008-09-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

So school has been in since august 22nd and life has been pretty boring, because I don't work at Meijer anymore. I miss, well mostly, everyone that I worked with at Meijer. Three years of stress down the drain, but I learned a lot about myself by working there.
Tomorow I start a new job. Teaching swim lessons at the Natatorium on the IUPUI campus. I'm excited that I have a new job, and it's something I like doing, but I'm real nervous because I don't know anybody that works there. I will get through it I know but still my anxiety kicks in, and i have to write my thoughts down or I go crazy.
I know nobody wants to hear this or will probably read this, but oh well. If you do come on it by some odd chance please pray fro me that I get through it, and that I have all the knowledge to do so.

Bored...bored...guess what I am bored.

2008-09-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

So since school has been back in I have been focused on it, which is a good thing and I am glad that I am doing that to better my future. However, I don't have a job right now and I am extremely bored. So bored that I have been counting the tiles on the ceiling and we don't even have ceiling tiles. I have found my days spent laying in bed searching the internet for nothing in particular and it is killing me because I want to be busy. I want to have things to do, and I want money so I can hang out with my friends again...GAH! I'm so freaking bored. GAH!

Life to it's fullest

2008-08-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

So what's been up with Reid.

Well since I got back from churh camp, which is always awesme, I have been very busy. Like every year, some would say, I truly found God this year at camp. I pray ten times more then I ever have, I go to church and pay attenton, and I want to know as much more that I can about him. I think it's a hundred percent awesome.

I quit working at Meijer, which I had been at three years. By quiting I mean I went on Education Leave but i don't plan on going back, even to shop. I liked the people there that I worked with, don't get me wrong, but the way the management treated people there makes me ill just thinking of them.

I am back in school, which I LOVE, beyond love. I like my classes, which I am only in two right now but who cares. I honeslty don't. I'm doing what I need to, and want to accomplish. I'm taking English on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Anthropology on Saturdays, which does suck, but that's what I get for slacking. Procrastination...it's a killer.

I'm getting through my medical issues and the heat is a killer but I'm manageing everything, and living life to the fullest. I'm very happy. Especially that I am now writing from my own lap top.

I can't believe that this spaced my mind, and my brother might kill me if he ever reads this blog. I am a new uncle...for the sixth time. Regan if you read this...YES SHE IS YOUR NEICE...RETARD!!!! However I am thrilled and can't wait until I get to see her and take pictures of her. WAHOO!!! She was born August 27, 2008 at noon fifty five and was 6 lbs no ounces. She is healthy and I assume she is beautiful.

More randomness...

2008-06-23T19:51:00.000-07:00

So yet again, randmness is posessing my mind. I have been thinking about quite a few things. A few things mean my job, a relationship, and just other random life experiences.

So I was enlightened by Tim Barnes return home. We had a bachelor party for my a friend of ours Sam Wilson this past friday, and we were all standing around. Out of nowhere he looks me directly in the eyes and said "Reid what are you doing now a days" I went into the random rambolings of how I am going back to school, and hating my current job. That whole bit. What shocked me out of this conversation though was the fact that he continued to look me in the eyes and said "That's what you said a year ago. If your not happy at your job, why are you there? It's good that you plan to go to school, but I am not going to believe it until I see the class schedule." That knocked me off my feet. Nobody has ever, actually cared that much about me to say something that would be so motivational to me. Atleast someone and something that I could comprehend. I have a meeting on July 14 scheduled for school which I hd ready and going before this but he put me back on the exitement like i am actually doing something that I want to do to benefit my life. I thought it wsa pretty freaking amazing.

At Sams wedding I think I became more open with the people from my church. I have been trying to break away from the shy person that I have been pretending to be, which is totally not me. I had fun, and saw alot of people hat go to church camp. It was awesome to see them all, and it got me real excited about going to camp. I can't wait, because camp is always awesome...ALYWAYS!!!

A girl. There isn't one, but hey, God has his plans for me. We'll see what the are soon. I hope. I can be very impatient when it comes to certain things.

So got a smack in the face, can't wait for camp, and I am still a single man. life is good. Ready to apply for a new job. Matter a fact I'm putting a BestBuy one online.

Lately....

2008-06-17T19:09:00.000-07:00

So I haven't written in a very long time. I really haven't had nothing to write about, but lately a lot has happened and I need to get it out. So here goes...

My friend, Chris Yoder, was recently hospitalized because he was in a serious accident because some dumb ass chick thought it would be funny to run through a stop sign and run into a tree. He was in critical condition, life support and tubes down his throat because he couldn't breathe on his own. It scares the shit out of me that any day someone that close to you can be gone. It makes me look at life a little more serious. Maybe that why I couldn't hand;e being in a relationship with this girl Brittany. SHe's real immature and gets on my nerves now that I haven't been talking to her. I just need to tell her that we won't work and to leave me alone. That should go over real well. I went to a concert. RASCAL FLATTS!!!! It was freaking awesome. I also am going to school for photography this fall which is just a side thing until the Butler musical theatre thing works out. I pray that it works because that's what I want to do, live my passion and actually be happy doing what I love. I am going to camp to be a counselor, and every day I get a bit more excited. I breathes in the country air the night I went to the Rascal Flatts concert, and it reminded me of sitting around the camp fire while playing the guitar and singing. I can't wait. Oh and in case anybody is reading this Chris is fine and is in his own room at the hospital. They;re just waiting for his stomach to heal from surgery and after that I heard he will at least be out of the hospital.

I haven't written in a long time...poetry that is, because I really want to learn how to play guitar. So I can put my poetry to song.I just need to find somebody to teach me.

Live everyday like it's your last because you never now...it could be??

If you knew...

2008-01-19T06:18:00.001-08:00

If you knew what these poems were about

If you knew what these songs were about

if you knew what these tears and scars were about

you wouldn't poke and prod

See life has been hard on me

Walking down paths of unseen things

Journeys- I have turned away

and fell and trembled

and there was your hand

there to pick me up again

If you knew what my fears where about

If you knew why I was here was all about

This world would be so easy

You wouldn't wonder or think of crazy things

The violence would be limited

no thoughts of suicide

no shootings of a mere child

no schools with acts of shame

because they had five hundred bomb threats in one day

If you knew what I went through as a child

the things I look back on and don't smile

If you knew all the things I went through

being pushed around, hit, and pushed down.

If you only knew...

Rebooted and ready to go!!!!!

2008-01-03T20:06:00.000-08:00

I think I have figured out my life, what I truly want to do. These last few years have been hard because of my past and I have been dwelling on that when I should have been thinking about the now and the future. Who I am, and who I need to be. I am applying for Butler and getting back to school. I just decided tonight that I am threw with Meijer. I am currently looking for a new job and will hold that job atleast until I start school. I am stoked for school but don't want to jinx myself getting into the one school I want to go. I am happy and settled. I recently went to winter camp and feel like I actually belong there now, when I was younger for some reason it was hard to think that people from church actually wanted to be my friends, that I wasn't good enough to be friends with them. But at camp I realized even though I knew that all of us are human and that I can be friends with them just as well as I could be with anybody. I realized alot of things that i won't go into. I always like going to camp because I feel like I am rebooted and ready to head the world headstrong, which is an AWESOME feeling. Without camp i wouldn't have gotten through alot of things. So thanks Luke B. for doing everything you do to get camp together, without it I think alot of us would be lost. I know I would.

Missed this week and regret what I did in the place of it

2007-12-22T15:16:00.000-08:00

It's an obsession
I can't live without it
Recently started and never stopping
Relaxation and ritually gathering
to pop a tab and throw off your shoes
to crack open the great book and read a gospel or two
to hang with fellow believers
to release your weekly stress
to have those friends that walk on slightly the same path
to see beer bottle tops being flung across the room
or a random fart...who did it nobody really cares
afterwasrds we'll gather around
play some cards or slap other guys arms
play some music or just chill and talk
but most of all the best thing is to gather around with no women...to be TRUE men
Timios!!!

Get pumped

2007-12-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

I am very excited for this musical/movie to come out. I can't wait. It was one of the first and most corrupt musicals that I have ever seen, and for some reason I love it for that very reason.

My Butler Essay!!

2007-11-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

A camp. Fifteen pre-teens. A cabin. One week. Me. You wouldn’t think that a life changing experience would come out of those things. However, they did, and it all happened this past summer at my church camp, were a bunch of teenagers changed my outlook on how I wanted to spend the rest of my life.
A rebellion is how it all occurred. A rebellion that was unnecessary but at the time I thought it was very necessary. I was finished living with my parents, and being seen as a child. I was nineteen and knew everything. I had to get away from all them and all their rules, so I moved into an apartment with two of my friends from work. Things were great. My life was right how I wanted to be living. I was partying all the time. Smoking and drinking came before anything that was important, like my religious life and school. I thought religion and school were not necessary so I gave up on them.
My life was right…and I gave up on what unknowingly was right. I stopped doing my homework, which led to me failing my classes and being kicked out of school. I told people that interior design, which was what I was studying, wasn’t for me. However, I was having a mid-life crisis at the age of twenty, after being on my own for six months.
Then came along the summer, and for some reason I kept telling my friends that I was going to be a counselor at my church camp. I was excited to actually be doing something that was important to me for the first time since I moved out of my parent’s house. I was excited to be going to my old church camp and seeing all my friends from church. I missed them more then I thought I actually could miss them. I actually figured out that week that I needed church to keep me sane, and to keep me going.
So the Saturday before camp I finished packing my stuff, went to my job (which is a grocery/ general merchandise store) to get some things squared away. Then it was off to camp in a small town called Mitchell, Indiana. An hour went by of driving, jamming to music, thinking about life, and I finally rolled into the campgrounds of Camp Rivervale.
I was one of the first counselors to arrive at the campgrounds, and was early so I got out of my car, breathe in the fresh air, and enjoyed the silence. The other counselors began to arrive, and for the rest of the day we got things all together for the campers the next day.
The week started off like any other week of camp. The campers arrived, we said our hellos to old faces and greeted new faces. Fifteen faces to be exact. We gathered with the other cabins to go over the camp rules. However, it wasn’t until Wednesday on our prayer walk that fifteen boys changed a rebellious soul into someone that didn’t need to spend all his time thinking about him, but thinking about his future and for others.
We were walking along a man made candle lit path, that had signs at trees and stumps. We went in our counseling groups and would stop and read every sign and think about what everything meant. For some reason I would think about my faith, my life, my future, and everything back at home. I would pray like the others did out loud and I started to cry. Not tears rolling down my cheek, but tears streaming, like waterfalls, snot coming out of my nose crying. I had no reason in my mind why I was crying, but I cried. I would watch the boys I was with read these sign and be so sure of themselves and then they would pray for the failures in life, for there families, for their friends. They opened my eyes immensely about what I needed to do when I left camp on Friday after all the campers had left with there parents.
These kids made me think about all those things, and put them all back together. I figured out that even though I needed my space, my parent’s house was where I needed to be living right now. I thought a lot about doing mission work and going to different places in the world to help others. I actually got back into what I loved to do, which is singing. Singing reminded me of musicals, which is my passion, and it sank in my heart that this is what I need right now in my life. Right after camp I wasn’t sure if college was for me, but I am going to get back into school, and do what I need to survive. Those kids actually inspired me to live my life. I actually know why I had to go back to that camp, and it was to get back on track of my life. God showed me that through those fifteen boys that I counseled that one-week at church camp.

Past

2007-11-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

I've realized that the past

is jut what it is

that things that happened are memories

and shaped who I am

though people think they know

who I really am

can they judge me

when they probably don't know them

everyone has that period

where they walk a different path

that was mine

this is now

the past is just the past

® Reid Broadstreet

Where is life going?

2007-10-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

Where is life going?
A week ago I could have said I didn't know.
Today I can say that I actually know something.
Last week, I could say that I was working at a job that I really don't care for at all.
Today I can say I printed out the applications for Butler University, which is the first step.
Last week, I said that I was trying to find out what I wanted to do...missions...working with kids?
Today I can say that I know what I want school, missions when it's neccesary, and summer camp.
Last week, I felt like I was in it by myself
Today I can say that's completely different.
Where is life going for me?
Up

Heroes

2007-10-20T21:46:00.000-07:00

So lately I have been watching the show Heroes. I rented the first season because I didn't get to see all the shows and was thinking if I could have one power like they do on the show what would it be. I came to the conclusion that right now in my life that if i could know when people were lying to me would be great. If I could just have that one simple power. I would be a much happier person or atleast i think I would be a happier person. I would know how L. really feels about me or if she even has feelings about me. I would know who truly is my friend. Who really wants to hang out with me. Who I annoy. All those little things that cause you so much stress in your life. If I could just know that one simple thing I believe that my life would be tons better. I wouldn't have to take the medicine I am on right now. I wouldn't be sad all the time. I would be happy. Or even if I was sad i would know why I was and not wonder whether she likes me. Whether my friends care as much as I want them to. Or just anything. I wish life was simpler. ha ha wouldn't that be the life.

I'm over it

2007-10-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

Can I honestly say I'm over it?

NO!

Why?

Because I still care. It's hard to move on when your heart is stuck in the hands of another individual. It's hard when you want them to want you as much as you want them to but they don't. It hurts to know that she might possibly want someone else, but if I tell her this it might scare her off. She is so young and nieve and not ready for the relationship that I want. Something that could be long term. Something that could possibly turn over into marriage...possibly. I just don't know how to feel when she doesn't want to talk to me. AH! I just want to get on my knees and say smite me again lord because you already have by not letting me have the girl of my dreams. Is it sad that she is the girl of my dreams but she won't even talk to me. Should i feel so desperate for her. How should I feel since my sisters marriage is going down the tubes, regardless that I pray it doesn't. What is a relationship today. It's not like it use to be when you courted someone to marry. It's not like it was when you invited your other over for dinner and made the family act like aliens so he would like the family. Relationships are so different today. I'm so over mine. Or what you would say that it was.

You make me this way

2007-10-19T15:48:00.000-07:00

I though when you cared for someone they weren't supposed to make you cry. I thought that everything is supposed to be easy and time was supposed to fly by. We haven't talked in two days and it truly feels like a year. Your mad and i don't know why and it hurts to know that you hurt. I have made decisions in the last two days and the only person that I really want to tell is you, but your mad and don't want to talk to me. Is it something I did. I don't know because you won't talk back to me. I called today with the intentions to say hi, but all you wanted to say was he doesn't want anything from me. Is there a possibility that you have feeling for me. It hurts me that you hurt. I cry because your upset. How can I tell you this? Because right now it seems like you don't want to listen.

Wow...I didn't know I was keeping it down.

2007-10-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

So I don't know how I have been feeling lately. I think that I like somebody but it hurts that she doesn't seem to care. I slept all day today when I could have got up and actually done something with my life. I hate feeling happy one day and then the next being down in the dumps. I need to figure out what I want to do with this chance that God gave me to do something good here on earth. I should feel lucky that I am alive and I shouldn't waste my life not doing anything like alot of others I know are doing. I shouldn't fall into the stereotype. I shouldn't want to better myself. I need to go on missions, and get back into school. I should take my gifts and extend my hand to whoever needs it but yet I sit here and worry whether this girls likes me and sleep until one and the afternoon and then get on the internet and complain about life.

WOE IS ME!!!

That's all I can hear write now. I feel like I am complaing. I want to get off my ass and do something about it but I am still here typing away like someone actually reads this. Oh well. I will get througn it miserably.

Get OUT!!!!

2007-10-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

Today was a very stress relieving day. Ellen my boss who doesn't have a stable job at Meijer came back from med leave and we had quite a good talk. When she was gone I thought that I was going to lose my job because of the other manager. The other manager scheduled me outside my availibility so I didn't come in, and I was almost terminated. Why Ellen was gone I almost walked out. The job that I have has really gone down hill, and I can't really handle it, but now that she is back I can manage it a little more. She's a blessing in disquise, because she keeps me sane. I really need to find another job though because I feel held back at my current job. I don't want to leave the people but I have to get out of there. I think I need to go back to school and go full time. I need to get away from it, and get on with my life. I need to, but it's scary to leave my security blanket. It will be hard but I will get through it soon. Hopefully.

Thoughts lately

2007-10-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

So I have been on this path lately and it's weird. One second I know what I want to do with my life the next I am unknowing and eating chips watching televisions not giving the slightest care in the world. However, lately I have been thinknin about going back to school. I love theatre, and I eat, sleep, and breathe theatre. However, my mom wants me to have a stable career something that is dependable, which I can understand but so many things tell me that my path is supposed to go and be in theatre, and there is my mom standing there saying that you need a dependable career.
I have been thinking about school lately. I have been thinking about going to Butler and Double majoring in Theatre and Education to be a high school drama teacher. I like kids I like to see them accomplish things. I want them to accomplish things and not be like me. That shy boy that couldn't sing out because he was afraid of everything everyone would say. I think theatre is what God put me here to do. I think through theatre I can do alot. Whether it be meeting new people, or being the next face on People magazine and donating money to organixations.
I'm lost on more than where my life is going right now though. Like most guys, there is this girl. I can't stop thinkin about her. When we don't talk atleast once a day I worry that she is upset with me. It's been three days since we talked. I am flipping out. Am I not what she wants. Am I worthy of anybodys love and attentions.
These are the things that have been running through my head lately.