Today...I thought...and know

This is the day that I dedicate my life to my passion. The one thing that I have wanted to do since I was little, sing, but even more which I found out in high school, which oddly was three years, almost four years ago, and that is my passion for theatre. From today on I will be working on my goal to perform on stage in Broadway, a New York stage, and even on the Tony's. Big dreams you say, but I know with hard work and determination, the help of my friends and family that I am well on my way. I was asked recently if I would be willing to bus tables until my dream came along, and I pray to God that he has more than a one time bang for me, but I would love to bus tables as long as every morning I can get up and sing. God gives us all talents for a reason, they aren't to sit in the back of your minds to be wasted. They're are given to you to pursue to share to give to him.

Over dramatic,,,?

I don't like being in the dumps and lately that has been where I've been located. I reside in the dumps. Everything I want to do in life seems like it is being put on the back burner and it doesn't matter. It feels like the only one that thinks that I can make it in what my heart desires is me. I feel lie all this negativity is beig placed on me when it shouldn't be there. I know I can sing, act, and dance even though it might be like a white boy sometimes. I know that God gave me this talent with my voice to honor him, and doing that by sharing it with everyone. However, I want i right now and it's not happening. I want to be singing on Broadway and it's not happening. Is it the lack of confidence that keeps me from doing it, or is it the fact that my mother doesn't support my dream, because it's not steady income. She is worried about me having this money to live, but all I am worried about is having happiness and I could be a beggar on the street as long as I got to get up in front of people and sing for them. To show that God can let this white boy get down with his bad self. Maybe I am just being over dramatic.

I'll manage...

Is what is going on in my head temptation or is it truly what I am meant to do? Why does music and theatre, mainly musical theatre always come back to me, and get me depressed because I am not doing? Is this my heart’s desire, or is this something I am putting in my head so I can be mad at my parent? I don’t understand why it keeps coming back to me and knocking the shit out of me? If I don’t do it will I regret it for the rest of my life? If I do go for it will my family, mainly my mom be happy for me or turn their head and never speak to me. Al these things are running through my head, and causing me not to think. I know I need to make my own mistakes and learn from them. However, this doesn’t feel like a mistake, because it’s so deep down in my heart. I think I just need to get over myself, worry about myself for once, and do something for me and not for someone else like I normally. I am always worried about what others are thinking that I forget what I am thinking. I need to listen to my thoughts and not to everyone that is around me, because that is what is keeping me from pursuing my dreams. YES! They are my dreams, and aren’t you supposed to go for your dreams. Aren’t you supposed to take a chance fall down and get up to walk again? I think so. Wow, I didn’t realize how much writing this all down would relieve all this stress/depression, whatever you want to call it that I am going through.

Qustion?

If something kehttp://www.blogger.com/blog-options-basic.g?blogID=8508680325798859960eps coming back to you are you meant to pursue it?

April Fools

So I am not much of an April Fools person. Just not into the whole vandalism of property or scaring people have to death just to be funny, but today my blood was boiled when I came to my car and not touching the handle of my car, found peanut butter under the handle so I got in without touching the peanut butter and drove to Speedway to get coffee and donuts(can I say police man). I came back out of the store and me forgetting things fastly, typical me, I stuck my fingers right into the peanut butter. I didn't get mad. I busted out laughing, which was nice because I haven't laughed like that in a long time, and a guy taking a smoke break just looked at me like I was weird. Tis a great morning, a great way to start a day after a long time of being in the dumps. I will get my revenge and it will be bitter sweet.

Keep on Swimming

I am finding it relaxing and rewarding to swim now. I used to swim in highschool and before that for Indy parks competively but I didn't like it well wasn't into it as much as I am now. I swim 1000 yards right now before I teach for four hours. I like it and it is very rewarding. I just wish my body wouldn't ache so much afterward, but i do like the fact that I have new muscle and am gaining weight because of that. All in all it is a good experience and I enjoy it. Especially when my day is rough because it relieves alot of my stress. WOOHOO for swimming!!!!

Ode to a Crappy Year

There are many altercations that come up in life, and right now one of them is relationships. Dealing with relationships between family, friends, and loved ones. It's been a weird year thus far, and if I were to write a monologue I would entitle it "Ode to a Crappy Year." However, I have to take back that statement because in this past month things have changed for some reason and I have no clue why. I know, I know god work in mysterious ways, but couldn't he give some better signs.

This all ties into relationships because with my family my relationship to my brother, Ryan, and sister Cindy has exploded into a closeness that we have never seem to aquire before. Maybe it's because they need me, but I think more or less it's because I need to figure things out in my own life that they can teach me. Cindy's life right now is crappy, or at least that is what she tells everyone. She is single, has two kids, and no guy would ever want her. She just doesn't know that all those things are being worked out in front of her. She is just to blind to see.

Now the friends and loved ones is tied into eachother sort of but at the same time it's not. I will start off with how they are not. My friendship with my friends from Meijer has dimenished quite a bit since I no longer work there. Thank God!!! However, there are a few that I want to still be friends with that aren't coming around. It's like I left meijer so they can't talk to me. I call them and they are always busy. One of them I let that slide because she is busy with nursing school, and she finds the time to hang out with me when she can which is awesome. Go schwim!! However,there are people there that we were so close and I haven't talked to them since Christmas regardless that i have there phone number and they have mine. Maybe I am over analyzing everything, but it is beginning to get on my nerves. GAH!!

Now they are related because I like two of my friends. Problem is they both like me back. Another problem is that one of my friends I have had since middle school, and the other I have known for about two years because of Meijer. The one from middle school we have been friends for forever, everyone says we would make a good couple, but we thought it would be to weird, so we didn't, and we stopped talking as much after high school. I went to work at Meijer and then a met girl 2, we started talking and hanging out on the friend level until I REALIZED I liked her and then we started kind of not really dating. Problem, they both recently popped back up into my life and said oh hey I miss you, or I don't want to wait until we are fifty to figure out that we have feelings for each other.

I think I just need to take a breather and try to figure this one all out

Maybe I should still title "Ode to a Crappy Year."